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Have a history teacher explain this if they can.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 
1846.

John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 
1946.


Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.

John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.



Both were particularly concerned with civil 
rights.

Both wives lost a child while living in the White 
House.



Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.

Both Presidents were shot in the head.



Now it gets really weird.



Lincoln’s secretary was named Kennedy.

Kennedy’s Secretary was named Lincoln.



Both were assassinated by Southerners.

Both were succeeded by Southerners named 
Johnson.



Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was 
born in 1808.

Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was 
born in 1908.


John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, 
was born in 1839.

Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, 
was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.

Both names are composed of fifteen letters.



Now hang on to your seat.



Lincoln was shot at the theater named “Ford.”

Kennedy was shot in a car called “Lincoln” made 
by “Ford.”

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before 
their trials.

And here’s the “kicker”:

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in 
Monroe, Maryland.

A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with 
Marilyn Monroe.

AND……………….:

Lincoln was shot in a theater and the assassin 
ran to a warehouse…

Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and the 
assassin ran to a theater…

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so “profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well. 

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic(absorbs heat)? 

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: 

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. 
Therefore, no souls are leaving. 
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. 
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. 


This gives two possibilities: 
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. 
- So which is it? 
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, “it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct… leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting “Oh my God.” 

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY “A”